Hey guys... I'm not actually sure if anyone will even read this post or not, but I think I may have fallen into a common problem for beginning bloggers... I forgot about my blog. Not just my blog, but, um, well I need to confess that I just got seriously sidetracked in my path toward becoming a real librarian by my day to day life and kids and problems and other distractions like writing poetry and also facebook... I'm having a guilt attack like I need to apologize to my imaginary audience of the faceless internet/the entire world.
- Last time I intended to write in my blog was about one week after my previous post on here. Over six months previous to today. I had attended an interesting networking meeting on the subject of gaming in school libraries. I took notes on the whole event and I had planned to write some good, professional recommendations. But after the event I think I may have alienated two professional colleagues but complaining about one of them to the other. And I'm pretty sure the person I complained about took me off the email list for this networking group. I didn't say anything totally devastating to her career or life or anything... I just expressed that I felt odd tension between the two of us and that I didn't exactly enjoy working with her on a group assignment in a certain class.
Well I guess I should not have said that because she was in a position of power (i.e. the vice-president of this networking group) and also a position of vulnerability (i.e. holding a potentially temporary SLMS job in a very tight job market IN THE DISTRICT I ALSO DESIRE TO WORK IN). I never received an email notification about networking events again. She is the person who sends out the emails. She must have removed me from the list. BZZZZ! I feel like the world's biggest screw up.
I have problems with feeling shame over this sort of situation and it really hurts my self-confidence. For a while I wondered if I will ever be able to work in this city again. Why do I suck at networking? I am usually a very likable person with a fun personality. I know I am going to be an awesome SLMS once I can settle in after learning some things and gaining some confidence. I genuinely like 99% of the people I meet. I don't want to hurt anybody, but sometimes I unintentionally have hurt the feelings of others by opening my mouth and expressing my opinion... And I don't actually have a strongly negative opinion about the person I am discussing here. I didn't want to hurt her. I actually think she seems like a fun person who will be a really great SLMS. Someone who will probably never care to be friends with someone weird like me...
So after getting down on myself I focused on caring for my tiny new baby and my toddler. Now they are much bigger and I need to start applying to jobs for September if I want to work next year. I do! I do want to work next year!! Time to pick myself up, dust myself off and set some believable achievable goals that will get me closer to achieving my dreams.