Gee, I guess I got a little lost...

Hey guys...  I'm not actually sure if anyone will even read this post or not, but I think I may have fallen into a common problem for beginning bloggers...  I forgot about my blog.  Not just my blog, but, um, well I need to confess that I just got seriously sidetracked in my path toward becoming a real librarian by my day to day life and kids and problems and other distractions like writing poetry and also facebook...  I'm having a guilt attack like I need to apologize to my imaginary audience of the faceless internet/the entire world. 

Excuses excuses:
- Last time I intended to write in my blog was about one week after my previous post on here.  Over six months previous to today.  I had attended an interesting networking meeting on the subject of gaming in school libraries.  I took notes on the whole event and I had planned to write some good, professional recommendations.  But after the event I think I may have alienated two professional colleagues but complaining about one of them to the other.  And I'm pretty sure the person I complained about took me off the email list for this networking group.  I didn't say anything totally devastating to her career or life or anything... I just expressed that I felt odd tension between the two of us and that I didn't exactly enjoy working with her on a group assignment in a certain class.

Well I guess I should not have said that because she was in a position of power (i.e. the vice-president of this networking group) and also a position of vulnerability (i.e. holding a potentially temporary SLMS job in a very tight job market IN THE DISTRICT I ALSO DESIRE TO WORK IN).  I never received an email notification about networking events again.  She is the person who sends out the emails.  She must have removed me from the list.  BZZZZ!  I feel like the world's biggest screw up.

I have problems with feeling shame over this sort of situation and it really hurts my self-confidence.  For a while I wondered if I will ever be able to work in this city again.  Why do I suck at networking?  I am usually a very likable person with a fun personality.  I know I am going to be an awesome SLMS once I can settle in after learning some things and gaining some confidence.  I genuinely like 99% of the people I meet.  I don't want to hurt anybody, but sometimes I unintentionally have hurt the feelings of others by opening my mouth and expressing my opinion...  And I don't actually have a strongly negative opinion about the person I am discussing here.  I didn't want to hurt her.  I actually think she seems like a fun person who will be a really great SLMS.  Someone who will probably never care to be friends with someone weird like me... 

So after getting down on myself I focused on caring for my tiny new baby and my toddler.  Now they are much bigger and I need to start applying to jobs for September if I want to work next year.  I do!  I do want to work next year!!  Time to pick myself up, dust myself off and set some believable achievable goals that will get me closer to achieving my dreams.